Mixed Up With Me

Sallie (00:16)
Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of Twin Study After Dark Friday Feedback. I’m your host Sally, not joined by your host Katie. So I’m alone again today. I’m so thankful for everybody that’s chosen to tune in on this Friday. I’m so excited for this weekend and all the events coming up. Personally, my family and I, we are about to go on vacation.

We are leaving for a staycation, I guess you could call it. Just after I’m done recording this, we are going to Disney for a couple days to kind of have an early Mother’s Day celebration, which I’m really excited for. I kind of mentioned this in our Mother’s Day episode that we recorded that will drop May 6th, but I just feel like vacations are so special and it’s not even like the relaxing part of it because I have four kids. So…

It’s not always the most relaxing. It’s just the undivided time we get together. And from sunup to sundown, we’re together. And lots of times our phones aren’t out and we’re sleeping in the same beds and it’s just so special. So I’m so excited. My kids have been running around since 5 a .m. this morning. Just, they cannot wait to go to, they call it the Disney house.

So we live in Florida, so when we go on vacation, lots of times it’s Disney, and they say we’re going to the Disney house. So we’re gonna spend a couple nights there, and I just, I honestly just cannot wait. I’m sorry, I look like a mess. I didn’t sleep good last night, and I’m about to jump in a pool this afternoon, so I’m like, I’m not doing my hair and makeup. I’m just gonna do this, and you guys can see me. But anyway, I wanna dive right into it. So this past week,

Katie and I recorded the episode that was about workplace romances and online dating. We also touched on topics of porn. Okay, let me think. I need to really think back. Porn. Is that it? Workplace dating, online romances, and porn. It’ll come to me. It’ll come to me. So anyway.

We did get lots of feedback that I really appreciate. Some people just had a really fun time listening to it. It was a more lighthearted take on some of the topics we were talking about. And I really appreciate everybody who just laughed along with us about some stories about online dating and Katie being catfished and fake dick pics because that is just the reality we live in, I guess. I don’t know. I’m so glad I’m not in the dating world.

My husband was the first to respond and he just said I’m so sorry for everything men put women through. I was like, babe, I’m like you’re one of the good ones. Don’t apologize. But I do think that when sharing some of our stories, like it can feel like we’re picking on men a little bit or when we’re saying like we don’t want photos of your dicks or like don’t choke us because you watch porn.

It can seem like we’re picking on men, but honestly, these are just things that truly did happen to us. And I was talking with somebody that provided amazing feedback and she had a good point. She said, you know, I don’t know if it’s necessarily that women wouldn’t be into this stuff, but there is that statistic and the statistic has probably changed. Honestly, I need to look up the one now, but the one we learned growing up was.

one in four women are sexually abused at some point in their life. And she’s like, you have to think like, maybe that’s why these unsolicited dick pics and the choking during sex kind of turns us off. Like a lot of women have been through some violent shit. And I just thought that was so true. Like, I mean, I know in my circle of friends and family, the statistic is much higher than one in four. And…

I think in reality that might be true for men and women and that is true. I think that’s why the younger generation, we give them a hard time and I’ve seen movies that kind of like make fun of them asking for consent for everything. But I do think either asking consent or just communicating on what the woman feels comfortable with or the man, you guys, it should be both ways, but could go so far because…

If before you sent a dick pic, you said, hey, what do you think about this? Then you could get her feedback and not just send her things she’s like totally turned off by and gonna stop talking to you about. Same with things in the bedroom, like sexual adventurous things that are super, super fun and spontaneous to you. Maybe just have a conversation with your partner beforehand and she’ll tell you what she wants and what she doesn’t want or what she feels comfortable with.

And this goes a lot, this goes for men too. So women, you should be doing that with men. But I was like, you know what? That’s probably true. Like maybe that is why I personally am triggered when people do things without asking. And I just am like so turned off by it. Like I’m like, ew, I don’t want a picture of your dick just unsolicited or like totally turned off when they’re trying a little bit hardcore moves in the bedroom. Thankfully Adam’s not like that.

I’ve had it in the past and it totally turned me off. So I think the conversation would have gone a long way and I really thank her for that feedback because sexual abuse is incredibly serious and even that’s why Katie and I thought we had to give a disclaimer before the episode because it is so common and we’re 35 so we’ve dealt with some things but we’ve had years and years of growth and therapy and I feel like we’re in healthy places but not everybody’s in the same place with their healing.

And that’s something we all need to be mindful of. So thank you for that. Another viewer also said, you guys should do a study and you should research women’s porn made by women versus men’s porn made by men and see if there’s a difference. And I thought this was hilarious. I’m not, this sounds bad.

I’m not even prude. I don’t think I’m prude. Maybe I am. I don’t know. But I have to be honest with you guys. I am not into porn. I have never been into it. I kind of mentioned this last episode, but I think my mind is like visual enough that I can get to a good space in my head. And I think a lot of women are like this. I don’t necessarily need like visuals to like get me more sexually, I don’t know, into it.

But she made a good point because she’s like, I wonder if there’s a difference there and what men are watching. And I guess my hypothesis would be going into a study like that. I would assume women’s porn that women create would be more sensual and I guess just like more sensual and soft. And I would assume men’s porn might be more hardcore and violent.

I’m not sure if that’s the case. I’ve asked a couple men in my life and a lot of them say they prefer girl on girl porn and they say it’s sensual. So I think that even men like that and I don’t know if that’s made by women or men. Like I said, we have to do the study. I’m gonna break out of my shell and or I’m gonna put my husband on it. We’ll see. But anyway, I just…

It’s an interesting conversation and I, that’s my assumption how it is, but I guess I’ll let you know. Me and Katie are going to do some homework and then we’ll report back at a spicy twin study episode. I’m excited to report back about that. Um, the last thing that people shared were of course, I just had an influx of messages about those who have fallen in love from online and those who have fallen in love in the workplace and.

One guest in particular, or one person in particular said they got married after falling in love in the workplace, but they could understand that you either get married because you fall in love at the workplace or it goes up in flames. Like it’s, there’s no in between. And I don’t know if I necessarily agree with it, but I could see it being the case because it’s so awkward when you break up with someone. I doubt.

You want to go to work every day and see them and see them moving on and all the things. So I definitely, I mean, I value that opinion, but thankfully for them, they ended up getting married. Adam and I met in the workplace. We ended up getting married and I know Katie’s in a really good relationship right now with someone she met at work. So I’m team workplace, but I also had so many people reach out saying that they met on online dating or via the apps.

And they it’s worked out for them. And again, I think that one of them said basically you need to really like invest in people when you do the online dating because and go on the date and go talk to them in person. You can’t just continue it online because then you’re going to be talking to like 10 people the whole time. But in person, like actually forms that connection and makes it.

makes you feel like, okay, is there chemistry here? Is this actually gonna work out? Do I see this working out in the long run if that’s your end goal? One person shared the feedback, it’s so hard to date online because you go on a date with someone and then you come back home and then somebody else is in your inbox. And I could see that. So like, I understand when people say, oh yeah, I’m dating someone so I deleted the apps because…

What a mindfuck that is to be like, okay, I think this day went good, but then now this hottie’s in my inbox and should I give her a chance? It’s just like that endless cycle of having options. And like, I don’t think that’s normal. That’s not something you get in everyday life. I mean, unless you’re, I mean, I’ve never gotten that, unless you’re, you must be like an amazing, beautiful person putting out energy that’s like, I mean, model energy or something.

But like, I don’t think it’s normal to go home from a date and then instead of texting the person you went out with, you’re texting other women already or other men already. So I think for online dating, it takes a specific person or type of person to be successful in it, but I do think it works for some people and for others, it just, it doesn’t. Lastly, the last thing that people had to say.

Um, and I’m sorry, this is such a quick Friday feedback because I’m just so anxious to get vacation going. Um, but the last thing somebody asked is, will you be having guests on your podcast? And me and Katie are so excited to announce we will be having guests on our podcasts. Um, every third week of the month, starting in June, we will have what we call a study break and it will not be Katie and I debating.

because it’s our study break, it will be the day that we get to interview somebody else. We already have a lineup going and I am so excited about the guests that you get to hear from coming up in the future. Katie and I are picking people we respect, we look up to, we want to pick their brain, we’re interested in what they have to say. So we really, really think that we’re going to gain a lot by having them on as guests, but you will also gain just as much.

I’m so excited. So the first one is already planned. It’s in June and then we’ll go from there. But there’s some really fun ones. So definitely tune in and we’ll let you know when those come up. If anybody listening right here, if you want to plug your information or if you want to get talking on Twin Study After Dark, please, please come and message us. Like we would love to hear from you. We would love to have you as a guest if there’s something that you want to talk about.

on a larger scale. We are definitely looking for guests and always open minded. So yeah, that’s just something to think about as well. We can do this virtually as well as in person and that’s kind of the cool thing about technology. I love you guys. I’m going to end it there. Reminder that Mother’s Day is coming up. It’s less than 10 days away and Katie and I have a Mother’s Day episode dropping on

May 6th, so this upcoming Monday, and it’s all things motherhood. So I’m so excited for you guys to hear that. It is the best job in the world, but the hardest, and Kitty and I dive into so many topics that I wish would have been normalized when I first became a mom. So I’m so excited to put it out there. Please tune in on Monday. We love you guys. Bye.