Mixed Up With Me

Sallie (00:52)
Hello and welcome to Twin Study After Dark. I’m your host Sally. And I’m your other host Katie. She forgot about her mic. My bad. Well welcome in everybody. We are so happy to be here this Monday and we have some fun topics to talk about. Katie wanted something that could get a little spicy so I am getting a little spicy. Okay.

Sallie (01:15)
study. Just, and you know what? It might not end up being one, but it has the potential to do one. It has the potential, so like, close your children’s ears. Or just listen to this on your headphones. Okay. Did you say bed time? No, I just kicked my camera. Yeah, okay. My bad, sorry. So, okay, so, I know a lot of people have their awesome, beautiful stories of how they fall in love.

And one that is dear to my heart is my own love story that took place at first in the workplace. So that’s where we’re gonna start our twin study today. Dating in the workplace. Yay or nay, how do you feel about it? Because I know that HR feels a certain way. Well, I really think that in the past I was very against it.

Okay, do you want to say why you were against it? Because there’s just too much that could happen. Like in my fear-based mind, it could go wrong. I also, I saw when I first started working, a lot of people when I was young dating within the workplace, and I saw the aftermath of those breakups. And so I always told myself I will never date within the workplace. Like it’s not for me.

Because it’s not, I don’t know. Okay, so I think the reason you were against it, and I may be wrong in saying this, was because you were always really career-driven and you didn’t want anything to stand in the way of your career. I would, and I was probably competitive. I couldn’t date somebody I was working with because I’d probably be competing against them. Okay, okay, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I…

Like I’ve said over and over again, I never had a career I was desperately dying to be like the best at or even really wasn’t, it was never my priority. So for me dating in the workplace, especially in hospitality, I don’t know why they make such a big deal of it because honestly like everyone’s doing it and it’s like makes it even sexier when they put the rule. You can’t date in the workplace.

I know because then you’re like, we have our little secret and they’re like, you need to come to HR, both of you, and tell us if you’re dating, which honestly, why? I don’t, like. I do think, I mean, if the per, it depends. Like it really depends because like if it’s, if it’s somebody who’s senior to you or somebody.

I think that’s why they have the rule. That’s like a iffy situation. Okay, so I think that’s why they have the rule, like because they don’t want young people to be taken advantage of by older people or they also don’t want like this old guy or woman like sleeping around with everybody and getting back to HR, right? Like he’s an authority figure. Sorry, excuse me, I just burped. You’re such a mess. I’m a mess, always. But I have dated in the workplace.

Uh, at least two or three times. Like every time she had a job. Every time! No, but…

And I just think it’s such a thrill. So when your relationships ended, you left the company though, right? Okay, so one we left the company at the same time, one we actually moved to different hotels during our relationship. Okay, so we weren’t together. So we started our relationship together and then moved on to separate places. And then the last one.

was Adam, we ended up getting married and we ended up moving on as well. I was going to say, I know so many married couples where I work and they work together regularly and I look at them as like a power couple. Like I look up to these people. So I’ve seen it successfully work out a lot. I just don’t know when they’re like giving you the speech when you’re like onboarding at a company and they’re like…

don’t fall in love in the workplace, or if you’re dating someone you need to tell HR. But then you see that their wife is standing next to them giving the HR speech and you’re like, so you guys didn’t meet at work? Obviously you did. Come on. I think that the thing is, where else are you supposed to meet somebody? Especially once you’re in your 30s or older. You’re not going out to the bars. You’re not going to…

I’m not going to church. Like, I don’t know where to meet somebody. That little widow there, Katie. Pray for her. Yeah, for sure. But anyway, I don’t think you’d be allowed in some churches because you are a devotee. I always say, per organized religion and Christianity, I’m going to hell, like on many fronts. So anyway.

I am pro dating in the workplace. I think that obviously like when I did it, okay so I think that it can be really toxic because I will say that I’ve been attracted. You just said you’re pro but then you’re like but it can be toxic. I’m gonna tell you both sides because I think it can be toxic because I think especially when you’re lower on the totem pole and there’s this guy who’s in charge or woman that’s in charge. Oh yeah you’ve dated a superior. Technically too.

So that’s the thing, when you’re like this young kid and then there’s somebody that’s older and they’re like in charge, you’re just like, oh my God, I love them. They are so cute and good looking and smart and successful. And then like now you’re their age and you’re like, holy crap, what was I seeing? But like, why did they want to date me? Yes, exactly. And maybe that’s the HR aspect of it because I’m sure I wasn’t the only girl thinking like that. It’s like you’re making no money. You don’t have… You’re living in…

shoebox but you thought they were so successful. But you were pretty and it’s like… Oh me! No, yeah, it’s like what do they… Oh my god! I’m just kidding! But not really. No, I actually wasn’t a catch back then because… Realistically, these men like younger women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s be real. And there wasn’t really much… It’s true. I wasn’t really like… I didn’t have many things going for me back then. Besides the fact that I was like 10 years younger. You were fit. I was fit.

I didn’t have that baby bump. When you got in an argument so you could run three miles home. Yeah, I know. I’d go out every night and get wasted and run away from you. But no, I think it can be sexy to date in the workplace and I think that the level of seriousness around it is there because clearly it needs to be there. You know, like…

young girls or young boys get taken advantage of or whatever. So that’s what I think they’re trying to protect. Obviously that makes sense to me. Yeah. So my current partner I met in the workplace, but I again, I go back to- So are you pro workplace relationships? I just understand them. I know so many people, like I said, that are married. I feel like most of my company, it’s like everybody’s partner works for the same company. And it’s nice to have somebody who just understands. I think that

with your company and hospitality in general, it seems so like incestuous. Like everybody hooks up with everybody, everybody knows everybody. It’s like when you get out of it, you kind of learn, oh, that’s not how every workplace is. I don’t know though, because- No, not every workplace is like that. Yeah, I definitely feel like if you’re single and you, I don’t know, work in specific industries, you just have a way of connecting with the other single people.

And I also think though, I do want to defend it a little bit because I have, and everybody should, but I really, really need to respect my partner for us to have a good relationship. And the people I respect a lot of times are the people I work with. Yeah. So like, it’s kind of just easy. Yeah. I think I always liked…

like people that worked hard and I felt like they looked successful to a degree. I met my husband in the workplace and again, we are the same age but he technically held a higher title than me and I know that’s like part of the reason I was drawn to him was like his work ethic and I just thought it was so sexy to have like a little secret and I was so sad when people found out because part of it, the fun was like…

Showing up to work and be like, nobody knows, but we know kind of thing. It was so fun. I don’t think… I was always like, I don’t think this needs to be a secret with my partner. And then once it became a real thing, it wasn’t us just hanging out anymore, then I was like, okay, we need to be more mindful of what we’re exposing at work, what we’re talking about and how we’re interacting together.

And then I got like, it’s time to be professional. But in the beginning, I was like, who cares? Like we’re two single people that are the same age. Of course we’re hanging out. Yeah. But what do you think about, this is a different thing that I actually do feel something. Oh, are you coming to me with a debate? So what? In contrast, I know people that have like work wives or work husbands. Oh, this is a good question. Yeah, so, and I hear it all the time, like, oh, that’s my work husband.

but they have a husband at home, or that’s my work wife, but they have a wife at home. So the other side of it is like, if your partner doesn’t work with you, do you confide in somebody of the opposite gender at your workplace? Or do you go to lunch with them? Yeah. Okay, so I get it because it’s basically a way of being like, you’re my best friend at work, or you’re like super important to me at work, I need you type thing.

If Adam came home and referred to one of his female colleagues as his work wife, I’d say you better be working your ass all the way home and getting a new job. I would like not be okay with it. I’m so jealous. I’d be like, work wife? Do you know who’s been working all day here with our children? Yeah. Your real work wife. Yeah, the wife that you actually have. Yeah, we’re working right here with our four kids.

It’s weird because like that’s my crazy I get crazy like when you work with somebody and From my standpoint when you work with somebody all the time and you’re together all the time At least for me. I spend more hours at work than I do at home. So like You build these relationships with these people and I and I’ve seen it. I have not experienced it because I Did come from a very jealous relationship on both sides where we had?

Big boundaries for good reason for a good reason But we had big boundaries about this kind of stuff and I think if I were to say one positive about my old relationship Is that I did not? Socialize with other men outside or like in work even like I wouldn’t go to lunch with another guy or anything like that But I one of my co-workers she has what she would refer to as work husband and this man is sexy as

He is so good-looking. Well, if you’re gonna have a work husband, pick a sexy one. I’m like, how do you draw the line? Like, he’s so hot. I don’t know. I don’t know how you… Because like, I feel like if they weren’t sexy… He’s married and she’s married. Is that playing with fire? Do they say they’re each other’s work wife and husband? She, I think, I don’t know if she’s addressed it, but other people have been like, that’s her work husband or that’s his work wife. Other people talk about it.

I would wonder though if there’s feelings on one side or the other because I’ve definitely been like my first teaching job I was dating and living with somebody that I was pretty serious with. I mean at the time we were young but I went to work and there was a male also teacher who was next door to me and we were probably like work wife, husband and wife. Like we were always doing things together, like teaching together, like honestly obsessed with each other.

And I think everybody else saw like, okay, he is definitely in love with you. Yeah. I think I even knew it down deep. I just like liked having his company and I don’t think it was healthy for anyone. But you both, did you, you were able to be friends? No, eventually he got drunk one night and like pounded on my door and wanted to get up. Shut up. Yeah, it was bad. Oh my god. And I…

Honestly, don’t remember a whole lot, but I know that the neighbors complained because it was just like a big blow up Oh my god, and it was like after probably like a four years where he maybe thought I was leading him on But I truly was like we’re friends I just wanted us to get to a place where women can be kind and nice to guys because they generally view them as friends Especially when you’re working together when you’re actually having to do a task together So you have a bond? Yeah, and then not interpret it as this is something more I will say like I did confide in him a lot

We’re close. We were like work wife and husbands, but it was never going to be anything for me. But I do think it was probably something for him, and I think people perceived it as like, oh, they’re a thing kind of thing. You know what I mean? So when people say work wife, husband, and wife to me, I don’t know. I don’t know. I know I couldn’t do it. I know somebody was saying that about Adam. Like if I went to his work party.

that they have once a year where I’m supposed to be meeting everyone and he introduces me to his work wife. Oh man, we’d fight all night. I would be like so offended. You would be upset. I would be like what? But maybe is it just the title that bugs me? I think it’s the title because sometimes when other women are into my partner, I think that’s kind of sexy. Really? Like I’m like, oh yeah, he is a catch. I don’t really want that. Really? No.

I’m not asking for this by any means. Yeah, no I don’t. But I do think it’s like, yeah, he’s mine. I know. Every time another woman has been into my partner, my partner’s cheated on me. No. I don’t want anyone into. So nobody look at him. No, like your ring is staying on, you’re not having work wives. I get how you say that’s sexy, but that’s not sexy to me. I do think that dating outside of the workplace is complete and utter misery. So. What? Because.

You’re using apps at this point. Oh, because you have online dating. You’ve not experienced dating in the real world. Well, because luckily you’ve met all your three last partners in work. True. Well, actually though, I didn’t even, I missed the age of TikTok. Or Tinder. I missed it. I was always in a relationship, so I never got to swipe left or right. I never got to an online date. And when Katie first got divorced…

I would honestly go on her apps and be like, Kati, can I do it? This is so fun. Like I’d be like, oh my god, this is so fun. Yeah. And even my husband will say a story, we were friends before we dated and he had a Tinder and I’d go on it and I’d swipe for him because I’d be like, oh, she’s cute. Oh, she’s not. He’ll say that I swiped left on everyone and I didn’t. I definitely didn’t. There were some cute girls, but I don’t even know what that means to be honest. Isn’t left always… I thought left was no, right’s yes.

Oh, maybe. I don’t know. That’s so weird. You know what? I don’t know. I didn’t really. So I thought it was fun. I out of utter desperation used the dating apps because when I broke up with somebody, I was so depressed that I was like, I just need to get back out there. Like, it’s time. Like, you need to cheer yourself up. You said when you work all day, how else do you meet people? Yeah, exactly. So and like, there’s different apps, too. Like, I think that anyways, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to get into the best one for you.

I mean, I, well, the league, if you can get into it, I think was better because it has parameters of like how you can join. Like this sounds terrible, but you have to make us like you enter the amount of money you make, you enter your career. It’s more about career, like focused. And I’ve always wanted somebody who was had an ambition. Like that really matters to me. I really need somebody who’s ambitious. So

I mean, I’ve also dated a lot of narcissists, so I think they go hand in hand. But all of them were- So the legal part is just that people make more money? You have to apply. You have to apply and get accepted, whatever. And I wouldn’t even say it’s the best one because I actually think the best one is probably Bumble because it has that whole women need to contact you first element of it. I don’t even know. I couldn’t even tell you, but all of them are terrible. All of them are so bad that-

I would not actually… People meet their wives and husbands on it. People meet their partner. I understand that. I think that’s cool. How do you understand that? Because you have to treat it like a business. I remember receiving this advice when I was on them, but it was like, basically say yes to as many people as possible because you just want to keep that door open so you can find the one. You can’t be picky when you’re looking at the picture or their little bio and all that shit. You have to just go on the first date.

and meet them in person as soon as possible and then run through them. Like you are on a mission, like this is a business. And the people that do that find the person that they’re looking for. Did you ever get catfished when you were doing that? Yes, oh my God, yes. I have this- Wait, is this like catfish? They edited their photos and they didn’t look- They sent like-

edited photos. And I’m very attuned to like what edited photos look like because I’m a fucking artist. Okay. Okay, first of all, is this like a catfish? Like he showed up and didn’t look how he was supposed to look? No, no, no. We were just talking. Like, but like sometimes, and that’s why you don’t chat too. I also got this advice later into my dating app life where it was like, don’t have conversations on the app or text. Like make them meet you because you’re wasting, you might waste an entire day texting somebody and then it turns out to be a flop.

So like we were texting all day and then he sent me a photo that was a risky one. I didn’t ask for it. A spicy twin study? A spicy photo. I didn’t ask for it by the way. Oh god. This is what men love to do. Why do guys think? Why do they do this? Why do they think we want a picture of their dicks? But it was clearly edited. How? Like it was just like a stock photo. Like I literally could put it in Google search and you could find the same one. There’s what? Yeah.

How could you tell on it? Because how is cropped look really sketchy? And so then I was like, that was always my thing. How did this even come up? If you’re texting, why does it even come up? It doesn’t come up because it’s like you’re texting all day and then it’s like.

I mean, I guess we probably were talking about like, what are you up to? And it was probably like, oh, I’m getting ready for bed. And then like, you just get it. Like, it’s like, you don’t ask for it. They just send it. Okay. I can’t stress the terrible stories I have in the dating world off of the apps are horrendous. Like I went on a date with somebody and first off, can we just, can I clear this up real quick? For any men study buddies listening out there, girls do not, I repeat.

do not want a picture of your dick. We do not. No, like, I think that you think, oh, I’d love a sexy picture from you, so you’d love this from me. Yeah. I don’t even want that picture from my fucking husband. I don’t want that picture. It doesn’t do what it does for you for us. I can’t name the number of times I’ve been like sexting somebody. Look, a thumbs up just came up. And also.

and also doing the dishes and running the laundry and mowing the lawn or whatever. Like I’m not- If anything, you’re gonna send me that picture and I’m gonna be turned off. I remember I used to get like texts, like stories of like this guy trying to explain what he’s doing to me, like sexting. And I’d be like, oh yeah, whatever. And then I go back to doing the dishes. Okay, so I just wanna say that though, because I don’t know why guys continuously do this. I hear it from so many women where they’re like, oh yeah, they sent me a dick pic. We don’t-

We don’t want it. We don’t care. Like honestly fucking like save that for yourself We’re the beauty like we’re the current beautiful our bodies are beautiful. Yeah, your bodies I mean, I’m sorry like I’m straight as hell, but I don’t want a picture of your dick Yeah, it’s like we know like I don’t care. I don’t want it. What am I gonna do with this? Yeah So okay, I just although I would say that if you do when I turn on a woman like talk to her like tell her things you’re

Okay, anyways, we can get into this though, but I do think women need to hear more about like what a man is going to… Like men are more visual and women are like, honey, you need to back that shit up. Yeah, tell me like how you’re going to treat me, what you’re going to do with me. Like seeing that, that makes me feel like you just like, what am I supposed to do about that? Yeah, what are you talking about? Yeah, like what? Anyways, so anyways, back into the dating. Dating online. Dating on the apps. Don’t advise.

But I know some people, like, that’s where you’re at, and I was there too. But I had such terrible experiences, and I just wanna share one story, because I think a lot of women and men can relate, is I would go on these dates, because I’m like, I’m open-minded to anybody at this point. Like, I just know, I’m trying to heal a broken heart, but I’m also trying to meet new people. And I’d go on these dates, and then after the date, I’d be like, oh, you know, I don’t think we’re compatible, or I just don’t see it with us, or whatever. I tried to be as honest as possible.

from the beginning, so you’re not wasting their time and they’re not wasting your time. And I feel like that’s a respectful thing to do. But guys would flip the fuck out on me. If I said I just don’t see it with us, I’d get paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs of text about how terrible of a shitty person I am and just like, you’re such a fucking bitch, blah, blah. The egos and the sensitivity men had to being, and it’s not even a rejection. It’s like we met once and I just don’t see it.

and then they attack you for it. Yeah, it’s rough guys, it’s rough out there, be careful. Meet somebody at work. I know, I honestly, both are like terrible options, but if you had to pick one, obviously like go for the one in person I guess. The one that you know is capable of doing a job and having a conversation. I will say though, I know some people that met online and did get married, so I know it does work. No, I know too. I know, but yeah, I know it does work, but yeah, you have.

crazy stories and honestly like I have been I have seen some of the texts that she gets sent just for saying like Hey, like it was an honor like meeting you but it’s not gonna work out. It was an honor. Whatever This is like whatever you say like hey, I’m meet you. Yeah Mangle fucking psycho. So it’s just I mean, I wouldn’t probably do too, but this is like from our perspective Yeah from our perspective. I mean I like I really think the apps are like more about hooking up

That’s what I feel. I feel like they’re more about like, it totally is. Finding someone to hook up with. Culture now, 100%. Yeah. So you got catfished by somebody that was not him? Well, it wasn’t his dick. Oh! Cause it was a stock photo. But, but was the other pictures of him, him? No, I highly doubt it, Sally. Like he’s not sending. So, did you ever get told when you went on a date that you were catfishing them because you edited your photo? No, you know what?

but it’s actually humbling and also like, is this a diss or is this not? They’re like, actually you look exactly like your photos. Oh, no, I think that’s good. I thought you were gonna say, they were gonna say you look better than your photos and I’d be like, what? No, they always say you look like, you look exactly like your photos. Okay, yeah. Like we both try not to edit up to it. I don’t really, yeah, and like the thing is like, because I feel like I’m more curvy, I want the guy who’s dating me to like,

curvy girls, like I don’t want to be false advertising. Yeah, you know? That would be like such a nightmare to think like, oh my God, I edited my photos, now I’m gonna go meet up with him, what is he gonna think, like do I look the same? That would be so nerve-racking. I became friends with a guy I met on a dating app, and he would tell me his stories that he would have with many girls that he met on a dating app. Yeah, and he said that all the time. He said he rarely meets up with a girl that looks like her photos.

And a lot of times they’re a lot heavier than they were in their photos or they’re just their makeup is like caked on and like you can’t tell that in a photo. Yeah. But he experienced it almost every time. I mean so that must be tough for guys. I truly do believe that. But like guys catfish by saying, not catfish, but they lie-ish lie by saying they’re 6’2 and they’re 5’8.

100% yes, I was gonna say how many guys you thought would be taller than you and they end up being the same height. Height is the biggest factor where I show up and I’m like, oh they’re much shorter than I imagined. Not that I imagine, I don’t care. Like I would like to be able to wear a heel, but I don’t care. But you can wear a heel even if you’re shorter. I support those short kings out there. Yeah, there’s some really cute ones. Yeah. Oh my god for sure, but like…

If you lied about it or you said you were taller, then I’m like, oh, he’s insecure. And I don’t like an insecure man. I guess is that what men think when girls edit their photos? Like she’s insecure. Maybe. I don’t know. We need a guy friend. Yeah. What is your other what’s the rest? Because we’ve running out of time. Oh, OK. So when you go on dates. So online dating, we both said no. I said, yeah, it’s easier to meet at the workplace, to be honest. Yeah. Red flags. Red flags when you first start dating someone.

I kind of I have a couple that me and Adam went over like when we first started dating and we were just saying like red flags when you’re Finding the person you’re gonna be in love with for the rest of your life and some of those have changed So it’s funny to think back like what? I don’t want to go too deep in it but when we first started dating we both agreed that a red flag would be if our Significant other didn’t get along with our family

Oh, okay. Yeah. And times change. So, you know what I mean? Like, we’ve grown together, but like we’ve both kind of separated in some parts. I do think, though, you know what? At the time, it was a red flag that we both thought it was a red flag because your spouse at the time didn’t not get along with our family, but like.

Our family wasn’t too fond of them. They’re very critical of them. Yeah. So we always were like, oh my god, we’re so lucky. We get along with both sides of the family. But now, after we’ve gone through some years of marriage and stuff, I kind of do see how I don’t think, I actually don’t think that’s a red flag. I think it could be just a new energy coming into a new situation. This is something that I’m going to say and I don’t think we’re going to agree on. OK.

I do think a red flag is when a man doesn’t have a good relationship with his mother. And I’ve dated a lot of men that are strange from their mothers. And I married one, not as strange, but like they just didn’t have a good relationship. And so anyways, when I was going back into the dating world, somebody told me to do this and I probably was like somebody on TikTok or something. It wasn’t a friend. It was probably like a dating coach on TikTok. But they were like, ask men.

on the first date who they look up to, do they have any females they look up to in their life? And you’d be surprised, a lot of men can’t answer that question. But when I started dating who I’m currently dating, he immediately named a woman that sits in our office, which I thought was cool. And then he said his mom and his sister. And I…

But isn’t that just because they can’t think of anybody else? No, but like he also said something he works with, like who he admires in the workplace. No, I know you’re dating a stand-up guy, but if a guy, if I was on a date with a guy and he just said his mom and his sister, I’d be like, do you not know any other influential women? But there’s so many men that can’t say anybody and there’s so many men that like they don’t know, they don’t really respect women. Like they…

they like having women around. They should be able to name somebody, for sure. And they also, I think a lot of men are attracted to women, but I don’t think a lot of men actually like women. Like if they had to sit and have conversation with them all day, it would be very difficult for them. And I hate to say that, but that’s my experience. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Anyways, do you think that body count is a red flag? Like if somebody had a higher- Well, can I respond to your last thing first? Oh yeah, absolutely. So, have to.

up to their moms? Is that what you said? No, like respect. Like who you, I guess who you look up to or who do you, if you have an idol that’s a woman or a man. I think you need to have someone who’s a woman that you respect or look up to. I don’t think it needs to be your mom. Like, I just have so many men I look up to. I have a problem with that, like obey the elders. Yeah. Respect type thing. So no, I think that if you’re dating someone and he can’t name one fucking woman he looks up to, that’s a red flag.

But if he can’t look up to his mom, like some people have traumatic childhoods. Yeah. No, and that’s why I knew he… Some people are blessed with that. I knew he’d disagree on that, but like in my experience, like the men I’ve dated that don’t have a… No, you just always dated somebody who didn’t have a relationship with their mother and now your current partner has one. Yeah. And it’s refreshing. Totally. And I think like if they do have a good relationship with that mother, with their mother, that’s a green flag. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right. Okay, so it doesn’t have to be a red flag if they don’t…

No, I think it’s a green flag if they have a good relationship with their mom because you want that. Totally. You know, like that’s really, that’s a green flag. Yeah. So I think that’s a better way of saying that. That’s true. That’s good. Point. Okay, so body count? Is that, have you ever heard a man’s body count and like, or do you even have to know? I guess that’s another question. When you date somebody, do you have to know their body count? Mmm. Mmm-mmm. No. I feel like I always am curious though.

Um, I feel like it always comes up in conversation when you first start dating someone, and it hasn’t benefited me to know.

Yeah. So you do, cause you get insecure if they’re high or? No, honestly I don’t get insecure when they’re high, I get insecure when they’re low. I was, okay, I was actually gonna say similar. Okay. Cause I just saw, uh. Wait, wait, we need to explain to people, like we’re not shallow bitches. It’s because that just means he’s intentional with who he’s sleeping with. And I… Like you know what I mean? It’s not because I’m like, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

To me, I’m like, oh my God, he must have loved those women. And that makes me more insecure. When there’s only three, that’s like he was intentional about who he chose. When there’s a hundred, I feel like less pressure. I don’t think, I don’t judge anybody on their body count. If they were in like well into the hundreds, I’d be like, that’s a, you overdid it. Like I don’t think that you need to have sex with that many people. But like to each their own, like you do you. But like,

Everybody I know that’s in our 30s is well into their double digits and I’m totally cool with that like that’s normal I think that’s totally normal But when a guy has only been with a couple girls or maybe one or below five I’m like we at our age you mean yeah at our age if we’re single mid-30s Some people like married their high school sweetheart I’m just saying single at our age if you’re single and you’ve had the ability and availability

to hook up with people. If you’re sending dick pics. I’m like, low, I hate to say it, I’m a little judgmental of a low body count. Wait, are you because you think they’re gonna be bad at it? No, I think that it’s just like, did you not have like game to like make it work? You’re like, I’m judging like. I’m a different thing, I’m different. So my thing is, if a man has like a pretty low body count and he’s like.

like our age, like 35, I’m thinking, okay, this man only has sex with women he’s in love with. And to me, that feels like more pressure on me. I’m one of the five, or I’m one of the four, or the three. That means it’s serious. And when I’ve dated men that have been like, oh my God, their body counts are off the charts, I don’t have that pressure because I’m like, okay, this is just part of the equation.

I don’t think of it as like a game thing. I think of it as honestly, they’re more thoughtful about who they choose and that’s like more of like, oh my God, this is more serious than somebody who has sex with everyone. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So I don’t look at it as a bad thing. I honestly look at it as a good thing, but it’s like a reality check where you’re like, oh, this is gonna be serious. I think that women are judged more harshly on their body count than men are. And I think that-

I mean you judge them for not having sex with women. I’ve dated guys who have a low one and like I did feel that pressure. Did it make a difference in how the sex was? I think that…

Tell us the truth. It’s hard to say. What do you mean? No, I don’t think it made a difference. But it did put the pressure on. Yeah, because you know you’re like, oh, this is like special to them. Yeah. Oh, that’s funny. Yeah, no, I think. It didn’t. I mean, I do think that there are times, too, when a guy has a high body count, and they’re like terrible in bed. I think a lot of times that’s how it goes. That’s how it goes. Because if you can get the women like this, that, you don’t learn anything. And again, is this?

terrible to say but like a lot of the hotter guys that I’ve been with are Adam like you know like stereotypically hot like if you saw them in the bar you’d be like Adam is beautiful! We love you Adam! If you were to walk in a bar and be like that’s the guy Adam I think that’s you! Those guys are terrible in bed

Like they’re so bad and I honestly think it must be because like they just get laid all the time So they never have to really try no like they never okay So that’s another thing some men have a low body count because they were in relationships, okay Yeah in relationships. That’s where men learn to do the thing. Okay, hi I would agree the men that come out of a long-term relationship

put in the work with their other partner and they know how to do everything. Yeah, so that’s why I’m like low body count for men is actually like sometimes a good thing because. Yeah, okay, I will agree with that. It’s because they were with someone so long and they’re like, oh, I know how to please a woman. I agree. Because they did the work. Also, thank you to the queens out there teaching men how to do it. Seriously. Because like. Because there’s some. Can men not pick up like.

Google and just research it on their own. No, it’s because porn is like throwing people off. Yeah, exactly. Guys, you’re not learning anything by watching porn. Personally for me, I don’t want to be choked. But I mean like it’s happened because men are watching porn and they think this is what gets girls off. The only, the men that have the best sex probably had a long term partner. 100. That’s why I don’t think body count matters because I really think the guys that were in long term relationships, they did their homework.

The girls were like showing up and saying, hey, you gotta do this. And then they get out and then they’re able to like sexually please other women, but they are more particular. So I think low body count’s actually good. Probably, yeah, okay. So you’ve changed my mind, I think. Oh! I think she’s converted me. Because now I’m like, if you’re, but we need to get a man on the show and ask them about the other.

Women’s body count. Yeah, do women’s body count? Does that matter? We need to know. I know that. I don’t think Adam thinks it matters. I think men, some men think it matters. Like what do you mean? Like it gets too high and then you’re just garbage? I think some men feel that way. What? But that’s why I don’t think anybody needs to share. Oh no, like is that like the people that like want you to be a virgin when you get married? I think it’s men’s insecurity. Oh, like really? Really been with so many other men.

I think it’s that. I hope you’re not with anybody like that right now. No! Oh my god. I haven’t been with that many people! I don’t like that judgment. That’s so rude. Oh yeah, no, but the only reason I brought it up is because I saw there’s a dating coach on the TikTok. Oh, what’d they say? Who Kristen Cavallari had on her show, her podcast. Okay. So I don’t know his name. I forget. I’m sorry.

No, you won’t. Just go to Kristin Cavalier’s. He gets a lot of questions written into him and he responds and he read a question where a man was like, my girlfriend’s body count is so high, I can’t get over it. Is this a problem? Oh, ego. And then he was like, yeah, it’s a problem. You need to get over it or get out of the relationship. Okay. Yeah. I think obviously that’s ego.

But if a guy can’t get over it, or if a girl can’t get over it, then that’s clearly not your relationship to be in. It’s making you have insecurities and you should not be feeling insecure. Exactly. Yeah. And also I think if your partner is constantly talking about it or like- That’s weird. I don’t know anybody that’s done that. Yeah. That’s really weird. But like, I mean, if it’s always coming out, like the body count and it’s an issue. But personally for me, whenever I’ve dated a guy who had a high body count-

I’ve never known the exact number because I don’t think they know the exact number. Oh, that’s true. And I don’t honestly care. Because I always think of it as like, oh, they’re picking me right now. Like we’re good. Like who cares? But I will say, in my experience, the men with the lower body counts are sometimes better in bed. Yeah. I would say like longer term relationships help that. Yeah, for sure. And like at our age, we’re 35, a lot of men have had a couple long term relationships.

Yeah. And a couple one-night stands, you know, like that’s normal. Yeah, you know what I mean? So I do you okay last debatable topic because we’re going we’re going over time I just wanted to ask how do you feel about those poor? People that like me as high school sweethearts and they only have sex with one person in their whole life We can’t have this question at the very end. No, I mean I just give me your feedback my honest opinion I’m like you guys should go hook up with other people. I was thinking maybe they’re the type of people that

So we live in Florida in the villages. It’s a retirement community. Yeah, like your retirement is gonna be dumb. You put like a flag on your golf cart that says like if you’re single, not single, or if you’re like swinging or whatever. I wanna say those high school sweethearts are probably like the people with the flags like going around being like.

Hey Martha, come have sex with us type thing. We’re like swinging. Well, we’re so sassy. I don’t even know. I don’t want to put that on anybody because we have friends that married like their high school or college sweethearts. And if you married yours, would you be sad? I am, I… Yes. Yeah. If I… We wouldn’t have as many funny stories. I do think though, if you’re in a long, successful relationship, you probably have done a lot of fun like,

Playful like that you’ve developed your relationship like we like my head is like yeah men are better if they’re alone Relationship like if you’re with somebody since high school or college you probably have experimented a lot a lot And I think that can be really fun. Yeah, there’s probably like they’re probably they could actually be having like the best Yeah, that’s true because they have all this expert exploration that they’ve done because they’ve had to keep it spicy I think that’s true. So that I think that could be cool, but like

For me, I didn’t know what I liked. So like to find out what I liked, I needed to try a bunch of different flavors to know that I like mint chocolate chip. Whatever, you know, like, that was a bad comparison. Okay, I’m gonna be decoding that all day. But I’m just saying like, if you know what you like already, then like you’re so lucky. But like I need to try it all before I know what I like. Oh my lord. Sorry, I’ll try, yeah.

Yeah, I was just wanting your feedback on that. Because sometimes I’m like, oh, I feel so bad for them. They only got each other in life. But then at the same time, I’m like, it probably is just like, you feel comfortable and you can try more things. Yeah, totally. But I do, I really value our crazy stories from like our 20s. We have some crazy stories. I think the craziest stories will never be told, which is like because it’d be like, They will die with us. They will be too, they’re too crazy.

Yeah, because um someday when we die our kids might listen to this and they don’t need to know all those things Oh my god, but they would probably I’d love it, they would probably love it Because we yeah, we like hearing when our elders tell us stories about wild things Their wild days Because then we’re like oh like we don’t have anything to be ashamed of Yeah, totally and that’s what this podcast is about. So maybe that spicy study is coming soon Yeah, but anyway, we’re gonna end there. We love you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in

Please tune in on Friday for our Friday feedback. We can’t wait to hear what you guys have to say. We love you, goodbye.